


Alright

by carpelibris



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-25
Updated: 2015-09-25
Packaged: 2018-04-23 09:10:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4871206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carpelibris/pseuds/carpelibris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A one shot set in series 1 on the episode with the house party with what might have happened if Rae hadn't gone to the party at Uffington (I think it was supposed to be Uffington) and got to Finn’s earlier.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alright

‘Dad, what did I do with my keys?’ Finn called down from where he stood at the top of the stairs as he searched through some last minute black bags of clothes and CDs ready for his uncle’s spare room so he could start to get settled down in Leeds. ‘Dad,’ he shouted again from the bannister where he froze as he heard her. He could hear her voice heighten as it trailed off.

‘I-It’s not important…sorry. I can come back another time.’ Rae’s voice carried through to him from the front door. She was right there, inches away. His Rae. No, not his Rae. Maybe she never really was. Finn cleared his throat and the pair of them turned to look at him. Rae shot him a stricken look and darted her eyes down to fidget with the zip on her sleeve.

Mr Nelson smoothed a hand over the top of his head as he looked on. ‘Right’ he sighed, unsure what to do. ‘Well, he’s there,’ he gestured behind him, ‘it’s up to him love.’ He turned towards Finn, lips pursed hesitantly and opened the door out wider.

Finn padded downstairs and his dad moved out of the way, patting his son on the shoulder before reluctantly leaving the two of them to it. Finn braced his hand on the side of the doorframe. She stood out from the early winter darkness as the light from his doorway illuminated softly around her features and traced over her curled dark hair. His stomach lurched and twisted, remembering the last time he’d stood in his doorway like this with her. The leather of his jacket brushed his shoulder on the coat rack behind the door and brought an involuntary wince. He wasn’t sure he could face any more of this.

‘Hiya,’ she breathed out shakily as he got closer to her. When she took in the expression on his face the words evaporated in her throat. This was a mistake.

‘I just-’ he was looking right at her now. She couldn’t read him this time, couldn’t meet his eyes. His brows were furrowed, eyes uncertain before they darted down under his lashes. This really was a mistake. He wouldn’t even look at her now. She really was a fuck-up.

‘Sorry, I shouldn’t’ve came,’ her voice hitched with effort not to give herself away, her throat felt tight as she continued. ‘I just wanted to say good luck in Leeds,’ she hitched. Any relief she thought she would be feeling by now never came. A weak closed smile was all she could manage as her skin started to itch. God this hurt. ‘You’ll be missed I-the gang will all miss you.’

‘That was it,’ she shrugged, she didn’t trust herself to say anything else. ‘I dunno why I didn’t say it earlier.’ She looked at him with a wan smile even when her chest felt like lead. ‘That was it. I just wanted to let you know. Sorry,’ she was sorry, for everything. ‘I’m just gonna-’ she couldn’t finish the sentence and turned to go.

Finn watched her back moving further and further away from him where he was rooted to the spot. Before he knew what he was doing he was already on the move. He left the door wide open with the pale yellow light spilling out from inside and quickened his stride changing into a near run out of fear that he’d lose her again. He cleared across a few railings and only slowed down to catch up with her a few streets down from the house when he called out to her.

‘Wait, Rae.’

His voice cut through the dull static sound building in her head. Rae stopped mid stride and turned back from where she stood at the end of the street. She pulled at the sleeves of her jacket as she waited for what he was going to say, not even daring to hope it was anything other than to tell her to sod off and not come back. It was too much, she was on the move again.

‘Stop,’ he called out again. She was surprised at the speed he had caught up with her as he moved in front of her in two strides to block her path. He held his hand out, ‘stop, just stop.’ Finn’s shoulders slumped and he strode over to where Rae stood and guided her with a hand ghosting on the top of her arm to start walking alongside him. Where he was going he didn’t know but she was there, she was right there. He had to try. They stopped a few streets down from the house beside the billboard illuminated with the streetlights around them. Rae looked up at that stupid billboard. The same blonde looming down at her, reminding her of all her failings. She turned back to face him and he could see the tears spill down the left side of her cheek. He’d have reached out to her but instead he stayed where he stood. ‘I don’t get it, I-I thought we were alright.’

‘We were,’ she stopped herself, ‘don’t. I can’t Finn, please can we just-’ she tried to move past him again, avoiding eye contact.

‘No Rae.’ He moved again to face her again. ‘You owe me that, why? First you ignore me an’ then you pull the disappearing act and then you just decide to chuck me, and now you show up at my house. After everything with…what’s this about? Why?’

‘I can’t do this.’

‘Can’t do what? What did I do?’

‘You didn’t do anything.’

‘Then what?’ he heard his voice rising again in hurt until he caught himself. ‘What, what then?’ Finn’s hand lingered for a moment on her arm, not quite touching her, scared she’d push him away again.

‘I can’t deal with the stares,’ she yelled, eyes wide when a sob bubbled to the surface breaking away any doubt that she wasn’t hurting like he was. ‘I don’t want you to have to.’ Rae pursed her lips and let out a shaky sigh and pulled a strand of hair behind her ear, ‘we had to get stuck in that chuffin toilet an’ everybody was talkin about us and I just,’ her voice cracked and it took everything not to pull her towards him. He needed to listen, he needed to hear it. ‘I can’t handle them talking about us. I can’t handle college.’ She put her hands to her face and ran her hands across her cheeks to wipe her tears and shrugged, defeated. ‘It’s exactly the same as school and I can’t do it. I lied. I’m not better. I hate that people say stuff about me, about you. You don’t deserve it.’ Her chest churned as she remembered what they were calling them. ‘You must’ve heard what they’re saying. The whole bloody school’s started calling me Paul Daniels, magic fanny.’ She wouldn’t put him through all that. Saying it loud stung. It felt worse than the fact that one of her best mates had laughed with them all when they’d said it. Having Finn hear any of it was too much to deal with. If he heard it he might start thinking it and she couldn’t bear it.

Finn pulled a grimace and looked away. He had been embarrassed for a bit but he’d got over it. It didn’t matter, they didn’t matter. A bite of anger surged in him as he listened to what they’d said about them, about her and he hated them for it. ‘I don’t give a toss about people at college, about-about anybody.’ He shook his head, college was full of prats; so was school. He hated the place, but no chance was he about to let any of them mess up what he had. ‘I don’t get why you do. You embarrassed to be seen with me or summat?’ He quipped, hoping to lighten things but he’d only made it worse. He was no good this this stuff, he never had the right thing to say.

‘No, you don’t-you don’t get it.’ She was tired of trying to explain it. ‘I told you, you should be going out with people like Stacey. They’re all thinking it,’ she huffed in defeat, ‘and they’re right.’

‘Stuff Stacey,’ Rae was a million miles from Stacey. They didn’t compare, he didn’t get why she didn’t see that?

‘I don’t look like that,’ she pointed back towards the woman on the sign with a sob. Her throat burned and she looked down to gesture at herself, letting her arms drop. ‘An’ you deserve-’

‘Right’. He made sure she was looking at him, moving his head to lock his eyes with hers. Meaning every word. ‘I told you, you don’t get to say who I fancy and who I don’t. I like you, I like everything, all of it. Did I do something to make you think I didn’t? I don’t get why you don’t believe me. I do. I like you, that’s it.’ He shrugged and dropped his arms at his sides, feeling lost. This was more than he’d spoken to anybody. He couldn’t find the right words to explain all of it properly. He couldn’t explain it if he tried. There was no how or why. Some things didn’t need a reason, they just were. Whatever he said would come up short anyway, it wasn’t just one thing; it was everything. There was nothing he didn’t like. Why couldn’t she see that?

‘I just want you.’ He could see her start to come around to him and he softened. ‘Right, now are you gonna stop being a complete knobhead and come back round for a bit?’

‘Yeah,’ she wiped at her face with her sleeve. A small teary smile spread as he teased her, ‘alright.’ He turned back towards the house first a little cautious at first hoping she would follow. When she started to walk at his side he felt all the adrenaline gripping his stomach start to ease off. They fell into step with each other and began the short walk back to his house with stolen glances at each other when the other wasn’t looking. Neither was sure who reached out first as their hands found each other and their fingers laced together.

The door was still open when Finn reached his driveway and the pair of them stepped through into the hallway and headed upstairs to the privacy of his room. ‘I thought you were meant to be in Uffington.’ He gave her a hesitant look, wondering what had changed.

Sod Uffington. ‘It was just some house party at one of Chloe’s mates. I shouldn’t have mugged you off over it.’

‘…I missed ya,’ his voice grew so quiet, blink and you’d miss it.

‘I’m sorry, I was just…’ she was unsure how to finish, not wanting to see the wounded look on his face. ‘I don’t know,’ she admitted looking down at their clenched hands. ‘I didn’t want to drag you into all this.’

‘That’s what that was about, what you’ve been avoiding me for?’ Finn dropped down onto his bed. He wished she had told him what was going on, wished he could’ve helped her.

Rae nodded. ‘Staying under the radar,’ she echoed Archie’s words derisively and explained his advice as she perched on the edge of the bed.

‘That’s total crap, you know that, yeah?’

‘Says you.’

‘Says me.’ He moved beside her and traced patterns on the back of her hand absently. Needing to touch her again. ‘I hate the place. Only go because everybody else does.’ He saw the look of doubt and furrowed his brows, ‘I hate it. I do. I thought…I thought it’d be different this year; that I wouldn’t hate it as much if I could talk to you too,’ he admitted. ‘I missed having you about. I’ve wanted to get you after class or at break but you were invisible.’ he flexed his hand to make sure she was really there. ‘I couldn’t give a toss what those twats think. We stick together alright?’

‘Alright.’

His hand brushed her hair back from her face and the sides of his fingers trailed over the soft skin of her cheek and she leaned in towards him. They moved tentatively at first, heads tilted as their lips met with his hand cradling the back of her neck, her own caressing down his arm as the kiss deepened, lost in each other. She didn’t think it had been possible to miss him more than she had. She thought that if she had his kiss again all that wanting and need would subside but it only made her need him that much more. They pulled apart, all swollen lips and wide shining eyes and stared at each other for a moment before Rae was the first to look away and down at the hem of her t-shirt. ‘I missed you too,’ she murmured. She was brought out of her own thoughts with the light pressure of his hand at the side of her jaw pulling her back to him arching his eyebrows inquisitively for permission when she met his lips and pulled him down to where she lay back on the bed.

All the outside world slowly fell away and it was just the two of them again. Nothing else mattered when he had the reassurance of her hand bunching his shirt and she could feel the steady rising and falling rhythm of his chest as they lay together in his room. Rae fell asleep to the light pressure of Finn’s cheek pressed into her hair and he drifted off soon after his arms around her, pulling her close.

It had been too quiet when Mr Nelson went to check on the pair. He walked past the still open door and peered briefly, looking to where they lay wrapped up in each other on the top of the bed. He didn’t have the heart to move them. After a quick phone call to Rae’s mum letting her know she’d be staying he set out searching for where he left the iron to fix up the sheets in the spare room, knowing full well it wasn’t getting used tonight. He left them alone, bewildered but happy that for now they’d managed to sort it out. There’d been enough heartache in this house.


End file.
